It has been a week! Sorry I missed my post last week. Bella's birthday was on Sunday and we took her and some friends to the mall to go shopping. And then, this past weekend my sweet boyfriend took me on an amazing date downtown and gave me a promise ring. I know. That sounds very high school. But, he knows me and all of my past and that was his way of telling me how committed he is to me and Bella without taking things too far too soon. I just love him. He is genuinely one of the sweetest guys on the planet.
One of the things that happened this week that weighed on me so much was a conversation that Bella and I had on Wednesday night on our way home from choir practice/youth group. She asked me about why her dad and I split up. I tried really hard to dance around it until she said, "You know I already know, right?" Ugh. A ton of bricks fell into my stomache. This conversation was happening about 10 years sooner than I would have liked. Now, I'm not going to go into all of the details on here because, well, that is personal family business. But, I will tell you that kids know WAY more than we give them credit for. She hit the nail on the head. She knew ALL of the mistakes that I had made...and she forgave me for them. I'm not saying that I am completely to blame for our divorce but I was certainly not an angel. She has seen it all and was very honest about her feelings. But, not once did she condemn me for my shortcomings. This child who just turned 13 was able to process some very grown up issues and responded with such grace that I was left completely speechless. William was waiting for us when we got home. So, as we got out of the car, all she said was, "Mom, I don't think any less of you. If anything, I think more of you because you were honest with me and didn't treat me like a child. Thank you for our relationship." What? My goodness. God is GOOD. I have been dreading that conversation for so long and God just took it and made our relationship stronger because of it. He used my weaknesses to make my relationship with my daughter even stronger. Wow!
Ok. I promise that I will get back to our book/Bible study on Sunday. But, I just wanted to share that with all of you because I think that we, as mothers, tend to stress over not being perfect for our children. We somehow think that our mistakes are going to screw them up for life. God is so much bigger than our poor choices. He takes our mistakes and brings good out of them. NEVER forget that. Forgive yourselves and let God do what he does best...weave miracles into our crazy messed up lives!